When I was younger the feminist in me used to say that my future husband was going to wear an engagement ring. I thought it was odd that only women wore them because if both people are getting married then they both should be proud to display it. I didn’t want to feel like I had a ball and chain around my finger while he had nothing. As I grew older, I kind of forgot about those feelings as the allure of jewels took over me. But oddly enough it all worked out because I didn’t end up wearing an engagement ring.

Here’s some interesting engagement customs and facts:

• The original purpose for an engagement ring was a sign that a woman was purchased and belonged to the groom-to-be. The first people to use rings in a romantic way were the French.

• In Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland and Germany both the man and the woman wear engagement rings.

• In Spain the woman buys an engagement watch band for the man after accepting a marriage proposal.

• Traditional German couples prefer to exchange simple gold rings on the day of their engagement. These rings will be worn on their left hands until the day of the wedding. During the marriage ceremony, they are moved from the left to the right, and become the actual wedding bands.

[ Sources 1, 2, 3]

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It’s over. Who gets to keep the ring?

I say: It depends on who broke the engagement and why. Ladies if you are calling it off because you just changed your mind, give him the ring back. Men, if you are calling it off- you’ve broken a promise/commitment/verbal contract so don’t top it off by asking for the ring back. But there’s also the issue of why you are calling it off. If the reason the wedding is called off is because of lying or infidelity or some other outrageous flaw, the guilty party should deal with the consequences- ladies if you cheat*, give it back. Men if you cheat*- don’t you dare ask for anything.

*Replace cheat with lied about something big, are still married, failed to mention you are involved in criminal activity, etc.

The law says: It’s complicated, but most courts follow a modified fault or strict fault rule.

“Pursuant to a modified fault rule, the fiance is entitled to return of the ring unless he is the one who called off the engagement–justifiably or not...But equating the decision to call off the wedding with “fault” is, at best, superficial…The third possible rule is a strict fault rule, under which the giver is entitled to return of the ring unless he was at fault for the broken engagement. But in this scheme, a determination of fault requires a more nuanced analysis, which examines not only who called off the engagement, but also whether that person was justified in doing so.Of course, that inquiry inevitably enmeshes court in the complicated business of pinpointing the cause of a failed relationship. And who is to say when a broken engagement is justifiable?… Can it be simply something that makes marriage seem less desirable, like learning that one’s fiancée is a slob, or discovering that the parties don’t like to eat the same thing for dinner?” [Source]

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Q: My guy doesn’t know if he wants to wear a wedding band. He says it normal not to. Is it?

A: For some people, it is normal. However I’d never heard of that until I saw some people talking about it on a message board. When I read it I thought, “Married men don’t wear rings on purpose? That’s crazy. All married men wear rings”. Then I thought back to an embarrassing story that happened years ago.. .

There was some repair guy at the house who was kind of cute and my mom had it in her mind that we should go out. She called me and told me to come home ASAP. I get home and she runs out and fixes my hair up and tells me to go give him a lemonade. I thought this was the silliest and most desperate thing in the world; but I did it anyway. Later on I started talking flirting with him and I don’t remember what I said but his response was “I’m married.” I looked at his hand and said with a nasty attitude, “then why don’t you have on a ring?” and then I stormed off as if I was Hilary Banks. It’s kind of funny now, but I was so mad at my mom. I remember her telling one of her friends about it and she said “well why didn’t he have on a ring?”

Back to the subject at hand. Apparently, before WWII it was rare for a groom to receive a ring. However during the war, rings turned into a symbol of the wives left at home. [Source] So if a man has a father who didn’t wear a ring then chances are he might not see why he needs to.

In my opinion, unless it’s a work related issue, married men (and women) should wear rings (or have some other symbol that indicates they are married.) That “it’s too girly” or “it’s not comfortable” excuse doesn’t fly with me. But then again I am possessive so please keep that in mind.

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