Q: I don’t want my fiance to have a bachelors party. I want to tell him but I don’t want to be accused of trying to ruin his fun. I also don’t want all his friends to call me insecure. What should I do?

A: Before I answer this, please keep in mind that I can be very conservative about certain things, and I do not take well to foolishness, or anything that hints of being objectifying towards women.

With that in mind, just tell him how you feel and why you feel that way. If he still thinks you are trying to ruin his fun, then you might find that this same issue comes up again later in your marriage.

I didn’t want my husband to have one either and I told him. I didn’t want him going out, getting drunk, and feeling on half naked strippers the night before our wedding. That is so disrespectful. Anyone who says otherwise is very desensitized, and dare I say….stupid. It’s all fun and games until you get cheated on.

Besides, if that’s your definition of fun the night before the wedding, it’s still going to be your definition of fun the night after the wedding.

Luckily he agreed with me, so that worked out. But I knew there were friends who were still trying to get him to go out. So I just suggested an alternative, “why don’t you go stay at the pastors house?”

Yea, yea, yea, you can laugh at me if you want, but that’s what ended up happening. He had time to be reflective about his upcoming marriage, instead of going out and acting like an untrained, ignorant, ape. It wasn’t one-sided, I had time to reflect as well as I stayed with my parents and had a nice dinner.

Good luck, and don’t try the pastor thing. That just worked for us because we had a unique situation. Just tell him how you feel and see what he says. He might not even want to do that.

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Q: How do I tell someone that I don’t like the wedding gear they picked out? It’s not for me, it’s for my husband and we both think the tuxes stink.

A: You don’t.

It’s not your wedding so your opinion really doesn’t matter. Sorry. Bridesmaids dresses are another thing, especially if you have to pay for it yourself, but still if you agree to be in someones wedding, you agree that their choices go, not yours.

Unless the bride has fat rolls hanging out the side of her dress then keep your opinions about the wedding attire to yourself.

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Q: I’m not trying to be rude and a “tackhead” as you put it but how do I tell people that I want cash? We didn’t register so I figured they’d get the hint but when people ask “where are you registered?” what am I supposed to say?

A: I’m not going to get all etiquette diva on you because I had a similar dilemma. We both had been living on our own for awhile and we were moving together into a much smaller space. The last thing I needed was more junk, but of course I couldn’t tell people that.

So I still registered for small items that might be useful so when people asked “where did you register?” I told them and left it at that.

But more commonly people asked “what do you want me to get you?” which led to even more etiquette dilemmas. I simply told them that we’d appreciate anything they wanted to give, we are registered at so and so, but we are moving to a much smaller place and we’d like to be able to save to move somewhere more spacious. That wasn’t directly asking for cash and most people understood what I meant.

Then there were also people who asked relatives what to get us and they had no problem saying “if you get them anything, get them a check because they are living in a tiny place and they really don’t have the space for anything else.” Word of mouth works and it’s not as if anyone was coaxed into saying that.

Is that proper? I’m not sure, but that’s what worked for us and I felt a lot better about that then I would about putting CASH ONLY on a wedding invite or asking for money myself.

Besides, asking “what do you want me to get you?” is different than asking “where are you registered?” As for you, if you don’t want to register, then the only thing to tell people is that you didn’t register. If they ask you why, then you could tactfully explain without asking them for money; but if they don’t ask you for an explanation don’t give one.

Remember, it’s not all about the gifts, there are more important things.

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Q: I was thinking of having a pot luck wedding reception. Would it be ok to put that on my wedding invites? Heck, is it even ok to have a pot luck reception?

A: Well, that’s tricky. If you are just having more of a “celebration gathering” than a reception then I don’t see anything wrong with making it pot luck. Still, I wouldn’t put it on the invitations as word of mouth would be better.

However if this is more of a reception than a “celebration gathering” then how about asking certain family and friends to help you out instead of making it something that you are asking your guests to do.

If you are wondering celebration gathering means, I am thinking family and friends hanging out around the house, maybe outside with a bbq at the church…like you would do for any holiday or birthday. When I say reception I am thinking of renting a hall or other facility outside of a church.

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