Q: I’m not trying to be rude and a “tackhead” as you put it but how do I tell people that I want cash? We didn’t register so I figured they’d get the hint but when people ask “where are you registered?” what am I supposed to say?

A: I’m not going to get all etiquette diva on you because I had a similar dilemma. We both had been living on our own for awhile and we were moving together into a much smaller space. The last thing I needed was more junk, but of course I couldn’t tell people that.

So I still registered for small items that might be useful so when people asked “where did you register?” I told them and left it at that.

But more commonly people asked “what do you want me to get you?” which led to even more etiquette dilemmas. I simply told them that we’d appreciate anything they wanted to give, we are registered at so and so, but we are moving to a much smaller place and we’d like to be able to save to move somewhere more spacious. That wasn’t directly asking for cash and most people understood what I meant.

Then there were also people who asked relatives what to get us and they had no problem saying “if you get them anything, get them a check because they are living in a tiny place and they really don’t have the space for anything else.” Word of mouth works and it’s not as if anyone was coaxed into saying that.

Is that proper? I’m not sure, but that’s what worked for us and I felt a lot better about that then I would about putting CASH ONLY on a wedding invite or asking for money myself.

Besides, asking “what do you want me to get you?” is different than asking “where are you registered?” As for you, if you don’t want to register, then the only thing to tell people is that you didn’t register. If they ask you why, then you could tactfully explain without asking them for money; but if they don’t ask you for an explanation don’t give one.

Remember, it’s not all about the gifts, there are more important things.

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