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Why Do People Accept Wedding Gifts?
That’s a question that a finance blogger asked after he encountered a rather ungrateful attitude on a message board. Here’s what it said:
“I myself am planning a wedding. It’s costing me about $35,000 give or take. (And that’s not a big number for a wedding) Now I understand if you are traveling super long distances (I have a guest coming from France to my wedding in Canada) but people that live by me shouldn’t have a problem. Right? If you break it down, I think it will cost me about $230 per person. Now, whenever I go to a wedding, I try to find out how much it cost for a plate, add 15% or more. I thought that was what everyone did. I know that maybe not everyone has tonnes of money, but it’s a wedding! I plan on doing it once! Isn’t the point of weddings (other then getting married) to help start off a couple? When it was my fiance’s brother wedding we gave him $900 between us. He’s family! I see people asking “what is a cheap gift for a wedding?” … and I can’t help feel insulted for the wedding couple.Tell me am I out of line with my thinking??? Should I expect only $20 gifts from people?”
Wow. I never would advise that someone plan a wedding with the expectation of getting a certain amount of money back. At the same time I realize that people do that, and while it may seem natural to some, to me it seems kind of dumb. It allows people to fall into this trap on spending so much time thinking about the wedding that once it’s over everything goes down hill, and also it’s just not a smart gamble. If money is what you want/need I’d say your odds are better if you jump into the stock market instead of spending thousands on something that you are unsure of the return.
But what is the motive behind gift giving at weddings? The blogger mentioned above questioned this and now it has me thinking.
“But, I haven’t fully understood the logic behind a couple or a person who expects (or for that matter, just accepts) gifts on their wedding? Are you expecting gifts because everyone else gets gifts for their weddings? or because of cultural and traditional obligations (like your parents want you to accept gifts)? or because you really need the help that the gifts will provide in setting up your new household? or are you just taking them because people are in the mood to give?”
[Source: Art of Money]
I have to ponder this one. What do you think?
First of all, if you’re that hard up for money that you expect people to give you a certain amount, don’t use $35,000 to throw a wedding. Second, how uncouth are you that you tell your guests what its costing you to feed them, so they know how much to give? Finally, we accept (and maybe even expect) gifts for the same reason we accept (and expect) them at birthdays and Christmas, its tradition. Traditionally, couples didn’t live togther prior to the marriage, so the gifts were a way to help them get started. While culture has changed, tradition hasn’t and people simply want to help the couple anyway they can, with money or some other type of gift.